Bottled Abhorrence
by CheesyOne
Summary: Alph discovers a larger than life bottle filled with a red liquid. Judging by the pictures decorating it, it had to be fruit juice! Little did he know what the bottle really contained was a borderline sacrilegious blend of both fruit AND vegetables... Part of a writing prompt challenge.


**Yo yo. This is my second story I wrote as part of a challenge I did with Moonlight97 and miano53. The goal was to write as many stories in one week using a list of 180 writing prompts as inspiration. Make sure to check out their stories if you have the chance!**

 **The prompt I chose for this story was prompt number 29 'Caffeine free diet pepsi'. The description for this prompt said to describe the worst thing you've ever eaten in vivid detail, and boy oh boy did I have fun with this one.**

 **Warning: This story is ridiculous.**

* * *

At times, it almost felt too convenient. Too perfect. Alph didn't know how else to describe it. No matter where they went, whether it be the bottom of a pond, the depths of a cave, or out in the freezing tundra, there always seemed to be fruit awaiting them, fresh, juicy and ripe for the picking. And oh so delicious, too! But how were they ending up in such odd places? Was it the work of some unknown force? An unseen, guiding hand helping them with their mission?

With his recent discovery, Alph was almost sure of it.

Both he and his band of Pikmin stared up in awe at the object. It looked identical to a bottle in appearance, complete with a red cap to keep its contents from spilling out. However, no bottle could compare to the sheer scale of this one. If it were propped upright, Alph would bet that it could easily dwarf a tower. That wasn't all though. The inside of the container was filled to the brim with a red liquid. He might have found it unsettling if it weren't for the decorative wrapper covering the midsection of the bottle.

"To steal a Hocotation phrase, I think we might have struck gold," Alph murmured to his Pikmin as he pressed his hands to the wrapper. It bore images of several of the fruits he and his crew had discovered. There was an insect condo over there, several sunseed berries, and even a slapstick crescent! That was his favorite! "Just look at all of this fruit juice!"

His Pikmin were looking, all right. Looking at all of the juice they were going to have to carry back to the Drake. Their tiny whimpers went unnoticed by Alph as he failed to get his watering mouth under control. He needed to retrieve that bottle before he drowned himself inside his helmet!

With a sharp tweet of his whistle, he ordered the Pikmin to begin carrying the heavy bottle. Once again, their little whimpers and sighs slipped by him as he lost himself in thought. Just imagine what Brittany and the captain would say when they saw his discovery! He couldn't wait to show them.

* * *

"Alph, if that really is fruit juice in there, then this is huge!" Brittany was beside herself in excitement. "We won't have to worry about running out of food anymore. This will keep us fed for months!"

Charlie patted him on the back. "You did good today, Alph. You should be proud of yourself."

"Thanks everyone." Alph smiled. He did feel proud of himself. "Hopefully the Drake has some good things to say about it! I can't wait to give it a try."

"Initial scan complete," came the Drake's monotone voice. "This juice contains a large amount of Piktamin U. No harmful compounds or pathogens were found, making it safe for consumption. Further scans will be needed to determine the juice's composition."

Charlie nodded his head, satisfied. "Safe to eat, large amounts of Piktamin U... I think that's all we needed to hear!"

"I'll get to work on extracting the juice!" Brittany ran off to go get it ready.

Alph followed her. "I'll help you!" He didn't want her to try it before he did!

Once they had dinner ready, the Koppaites gathered around a table in the juice storage room. By then, the rush of excitement the three had felt had shifted into concern and fear.

"Is it just me," Charlie started, leaning back from his glass. "Or do these smell a little... strange?"

Alph gave his a sniff and resisted the urge to gag. The scent reminded him of Hocotatian vegetables. Those things had a ripe odor to them. "It's not what I was expecting that's for sure..."

Brittany picked her glass up, wrinkling her nose. "Hopefully it tastes better than it smells." She brought it up to her mouth. Alph shared a nervous glance with Charlie before they both followed her lead.

The liquid grazed his lips. For some reason, he couldn't bring himself to open them. That smell... That smell was just too much! _Come on, Alph, it's just fruit juice! No matter what it smells like, it has to taste good, right? Just take a deep breath and drink it._ Since his mouth was closed, he had to take a breath through his nose. Bad idea. The awful odor ended up burning his nostrils and caused his eyes to water. _Just drink it already!_ Mentally saying a small prayer, he finally opened his mouth and swallowed a big gulp.

For one sweet, wonderful, beautiful second, it actually tasted all right. He could make out the sweetness of the sunseed berry mixed harmoniously with the richness of a slapstick crescent. Playful, yet refined. But like all good things, that second was fleeting. Alph slammed his glass back on the table as the horrible, near _indescribable_ after taste kicked in. It was like he had just swallowed a liquefied boot mixed with a hint of rotting leaves and bulborb dung. "D-Disgusting!"

Brittany was gagging. "Ack... That taste... It tasted like..." She could hardly get her words out.

Charlie straight up spat his out. "This doesn't make any sense! Fruit should taste _good_. Not like this!"

"Analysis complete," the Drake interrupted the chaos. "I have determined that the liquid is made up of the juices of various different fruits and vegetables."

The three shared horrified looks with each other. " _V-Vegetables?!"_

After that nightmare of a dinner, Alph was more than happy to crawl into bed to try and sleep it off. He could still feel that disgusting juice rotting a hole in his stomach as if he had just downed a glass of toxic waste. _I can_ _'t believe I actually drank vegetable juice!_ It was nauseating just to think about it. He shifted around in his sleeping bag until he felt comfortable enough to drift off. _Hopefully I'll feel better in the morning_ , he thought as he closed his eyes.

The next time he opened them, the Drake had gone dark.

Alph shot upright. "Brittany? Captain? What happened to the lights?" When his eyes adjusted, he realized he was all alone in the main control room. Trails of red vapor hung heavy in the air, making his skin crawl. He got to his feet. "G-Guys? Are you there...?"

A thud sounded from the juice storage. He glanced at the door and noticed a faint light shining from underneath it. Swallowing, he went over and opened it with a press of a button.

The air inside was completely red with the mysterious mist. Alph started to shiver at the sight of it. What was that stuff...? The room itself was empty save for a pink KopPad laying in the middle of it, emitting the faint glow he saw from under the door. Hesitantly, he picked it up and read the latest entry.

 _As the ship's botanist, it is my duty to write the reports on all fruit or plant related discoveries we make. But this... I never signed up for this. The betrayal. The deceit. The unholy amalgamation of two foods that should never meet under any circumstance._

 _This was the absolute worst thing I've ever eaten in my life. Worst than even all of the vegetables I've had to taste in my line of work._

' _But how can that be?' you may ask. 'How can something that's half made up of fruit be even worse than a whole vegetable? Shouldn't it only be half as bad?'_

 _But that's exactly the problem! You can taste the wasted potential in that drink! There's a delicious cornucopia of fruity goodness hidden inside, so tantalizingly close you can almost taste it, almost imagine what could have been. But alas, it is forever sealed away by a barrier of acrid vegetable matter so vile and revolting that even now it still lingers on my tongue._

 _And that is what the most painful thing about all of this is. That fruit could have gone to a better cause. It could have been used to make the greatest drink in history! Instead, one person's twisted idea forever snatched away whatever 'what could have beens' there could have been._

 _I understand now. That bottle was not meant to store food. It was meant to seal away the sins of man._

 _We've opened Pandora's box. But with only one difference._

 _ **There was no hope inside.**_

A drop of crimson liquid splattered against the screen. The KopPad fell from Alph's trembling hands and cracked as it hit the ground. Slowly, he craned his neck up, his breath coming out in short gasps.

Red droplets were pouring from gaps in the Drake's ceiling, forming scarlet pools on the metal floor. At first, he thought it was blood. His horror only intensified when he caught that familiar stench of vegetables. No, it wasn't blood. It was much worse than that.

He spun around, tripping over his feet as he tried to make for the exit. When he was just a few steps away, the ceiling caved in above the door and a red waterfall flooded the room. His scream of terror was cut short as he was swamped by a wave and pulled under. The foul liquid pushed its way into his mouth, went up his nose, and filled his lungs. It was all he could see, all he could smell, all he could taste. He flailed his limbs about, trying to find the surface. He couldn't breathe!

A dark shadow passed by over his head. Desperate, he swam after it. His arms and legs felt so tired. Every movement he made became harder than the last. He didn't have the energy to keep going. But the shadow was so close... With one final push, he broke the surface and swallowed as many gulps of sweet air as he could.

The shadow turned out to have belonged to the captain's rubber duck. It floated by his side, encouraging him with its beak-y smile. Alph wanted to thank it for saving his life, but a bump on his head reminded him of his situation.

"Th-The ceiling..." he wheezed. The ceiling of the ship pressed against the back of his head. He had no where to go! "The whole ship's flooded...!"

The rubber ducky's smile turned into a sad frown as the ceiling pushed it beneath the red waves.

"Rubber ducky, _no_!"

"Alph! Alph!" a voice called from somewhere.

Alph lurched up in his sleeping bag, a cold sweat clinging to his body. Both Charlie and Brittany were staring down at him in concern.

"Easy there," Charlie said. "I think you might have been having the same nightmare that we did."

"N-Nightmare...?" he echoed. "It felt so real..." He rubbed his mouth with the back of his arm. He was certain he could still taste the juice.

"Did you find the entry I wrote?' Brittany asked him.

Alph nodded numbly.

"...Wow."

He looked to her, then to Charlie, before casting his gaze down to his hands. "I'm so sorry, you guys... This is all my fault. I never should have found that bottle!"

"Oh, it's not your fault, Alph..." Brittany gave him a sympathetic look. "If anything's to blame, it's this planet's shady advertising practices."

"She's right," Charlie added. "None of us could have known about what truly waited for us in that accursed bottle."

"Still, I'm the one who found it, so... it's only right that I be the one to fix things."

* * *

On a cape overlooking the sea, a container of red juice stood upright on the edge, just a hair's breadth away from falling into the blue. Pikmin of all colors were gathered around at its base, while a swarm of winged Pikmin waited above, each of them holding on to one of the ropes that had been tied around the bottle's neck.

Alph peered down the cliffside. The ocean churned and crashed against the rocky wall of the cape, stirring up a cloud of white foam. He wondered if what he was about to do would be eco-friendly or not. After having the displeasure of tasting the juice for himself... _Probably not,_ he decided. He looked over both of his shoulders at Brittany and Charlie, each of whom nodded to him in return.

 _All right, it's time to put an end to this._ With the deepest breath he could muster, he blew into his whistle. The Pikmin responded with vigor and started to push or pull the bottle, tipping it onto its side. It collided with the ground with enough force to rattle the planet, or at least that was what it felt like to Alph. The juice rocketed out of the capless top, draining into the ocean where it would hopefully never torment another person again. He watched as a red pool began bleed into the blue. It may have just been his imagination, but he swore it took the shape of a skull and crossbones. _And so a great evil passes from this world..._

The three explorers waited in silence as the bottle fully emptied its contents into the ocean. Just as the final drop disappeared into the sea spray, Brittany announced, "I'm hungry."

"After last night's sorry excuse for a dinner, I'm sure we all are!" Charlie replied. "How about we go out there and find some real food today?"

"Yessir!" both Alph and Brittany responded. Together with their Pikmin, the team left to finally continue with their mission.

As they walked, Alph cast one final glance at the abhorrent bottle. If there really was some sort of unseen hand guiding them along, he thought, it had a really twisted sense of humor.

* * *

 **Apologies for any errors or if it came off as a bit rough around the edges. I didn't have much time to work with it.**

 **For anyone wondering what exactly the devil's drink was, it was just a V8 V-Fusion. Strawberry banana flavored, to be precise. I actually really like it, but to a Koppaite I imagined the drink's very existence would be like some sort of cultural sin.  
**


End file.
